A moment of reflection
Looking back on this year so far, it’s incredible to think how topsy-turvy it’s been. We’ve all faced monumental challenges that we could never have anticipated and it’s a relief to finally see light at the end of the tunnel as we are able to re-connect with people who we’ve missed.
What amazes me most about this year is how different I feel about myself and my place in it. When I think about the me of the past few years compared to now, I barely even recognise who I was. I was lost in so many ways and I was undoubtedly seeking comfort in all the wrong places. Sometimes it makes me sad to think of the girl I was, the pain I was and the mistakes I was making. At the same time, I know that who I was then has shaped who I am now. My past is my past and my present is my present. It’s not always easy, but I’m learning to forgive and be kinder to myself.
It’s funny, but sometimes I feel guilty for being happy. I think a dark part of me doesn’t think I deserve it and wants to keep me from growing. In those moments, I fear for the future, afraid things will come toppling down and squash me. I know in truth these fears are normal; it’s part of the human condition.
Slowly but surely, I’m moving forward with my life and learning to trust myself and the process of things. I wouldn’t say I’m religious, but I do believe in something more. For me, I think of a higher power as “the energy of the universe”. That may sound crazy to some, but I find comfort in it. I’m learning to accept what I cannot change but learn from it and help it to guide me in being a better person.