It’s okay to not be okay
It seems as though the little pink cloud I’ve been floating on in my new sobriety has evaporated in these past few days, taking the warm glow of life with it. I’m not sure why or where it’s gone, but gone it is. Sigh.
For those of you who do not know, the “pink cloud” is a term used by the sober community to describe the hopeful, inspired, joy for life (some) people feel when they stop drinking – cute right? (Hence the pink cloud in this blog’s logo!)
To be clear, I haven’t wanted to drink, but I have felt off. Small things have enraged me; my nightmares have returned; I feel less motivated to get up and do things, and more inclined to hide under the duvet.
When these feelings first started to creep in, I was angry with myself. There wasn’t anything I could clearly identify that would explain my sudden darker mood, and with all the chaos going on in the world, my own life is relatively calm. This made me feel as though I wasn’t entitled to the emotions I was feeling.
This morning, however, I have awoken with a new resolve to be kind to myself and know it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Sobriety is amazing, but it’s not perfect. There will still be some difficult days; days where I want to hide from the world; days where I have all the motivation of a sloth. That’s okay. I’m human which means, for better or for worse, I feel a range of emotions.
I know now that drinking is like gasoline on these emotions, so I’ve firmly stuck to coffee and herbal teas. I know my little pink cloud will return soon and I’m excited for when it does.
If you’re feeling like myself, please remember that it’s okay to not be okay. Be kind to yourself. Practice self-love and care. Nurse your emotions and allow yourself rest. There are clear skies above the clouds. Sometimes we just have to let the clouds rain a little in order to see the sunshine again. And that’s okay.